Moving forward and moving to Delaware.

Recently I've had this undeniable craving for more, as if something somewhere flipped a switch in my brain and I want to do more with this life. I want to learn more, I want to love more, I want to be and do and feel more.

I love being a mom, it's wonderful and exhausting and by far the hardest job I've ever had to do (hello! no days off. ever). This isn't the first time I've said that I wanted to further my education or get involved in a career. I'm infamous for talking about it even making baby steps toward it but never really jumping in to get shit done.

I've looked into school, enrolled in it, even registered for classes on several different occasions only to pull myself out and drown in self-doubt and blame the "circumstances".

I'm tired of saying "maybe when" and "it's just not the right time". Now is the right time.

I've been so incredibly inspired by a dear friend of mine lately who just (moved away from me and I'm dying without her) finished her CNA course in Wisconsin and landed a fulltime job all while doing it on her own. She's brilliant and I'm so very proud of her and her drive and so glad to have a friend that inspires me like she does. (Hi, Kayla) We spoke recently and she gave me permission to quote her here because it's a perfect example of how awesome she is and how exactly she inspires me.

"some days I feel like giving up, but pushing through the hard times and being strong is all that I have. It's the one thing in my life I have complete control over right now, so I keep on fighting. I have too many goals and plans, that I don't have anytime for self-doubt. At this point I'm running on coffee and the determination to prove everyone who thought I couldn't do it, wrong"

Those words are some of the realest. She's seriously this amazing woman who has seen some of the toughest circumstances and is still totally fucking awesome.

Now with all that gooey lovey girl empowerment stuff out of the way, let's get some goals out into the world.

The one thing I know that I need while attending school is a support system, a system that I just don't have in place here in Tennessee. My support system is in Delaware. Over the last couple weeks or so I've been looking into getting into a CNA course over the summer at Del Tech. Unfortunately I missed the deadline for all of the available courses this summer but I will be in Delaware for a required pre-enrollment info session this summer so I can enroll in the course starting this fall.

After finishing the course I intend to continue my education in Nursing and eventually become an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant. (IBCLC)

three cheers for long term goals!

hip hip hurray!x3

As I mentioned before I have a tendency to pull out of things I want to do because of "circumstances" but this time I'm putting my goals out into the world. I want to be held accountable. I want to accomplish said goals. There are a few things we have to do here in TN to ready our house for the market, cause we selling this bitch, and then its hunting time in Delaware. What's up Realtor friends??

Life is so crazy sometimes and I've made so many plans for myself that I never even started to set into place. Moving forward that's all going to change, I'm not waiting around for the right time anymore, I'm taking what I want when I want it and the universe is all about it.

My horoscope told me so.

I've held myself back from so much, I've pushed away all of the ambition I once had and traded it in for complacency. Having children has made it difficult for me to focus on me, on who I am and who I want to be, how I plan on getting there and what I need to do it. Everyday I'm so focused on what they need that all the things I want or need get buried. I even forget to eat from time to time.

We've all heard the phrase "you can't pour from an empty glass"

Well it's true, you can certainly try. I have been pouring for like 3 years now, but it's time to refill my glass.

They're getting older now, I've seen them thrive even though they had to spend their days away from me, I know that they are capable, independent kids and it would serve us all for me to do the same. To recognize myself as capable, as independent, as more than a mother.

Let be clear here, when I say more than a mother I am not implying that being a mother is less than, I'm saying that I don't want to lose myself in it, I don't want it to consume me as a person anymore, I want to reach back to the person I was before children and remember some of the things I used to do and love before.

Learning. I love to learn. I love to know things and share the things that I know with the people I love.

Art. It used to be an outlet for me, where I could step back from the world and create new and wonderful things for myself.

Going to the gym. This is one that I've already started and it has been beneficial already and its only been maybe 2 weeks. I read a book that talks about completing the stress cycle, exercise does that for me.

Oh! That reminds me. Reading!

I used to read so much before I had kids, I love a good book. You know the ones, the ones that are so engaging that you don't want to put it down.

These things are all bits of who I used to be and what I used to love before I became a mother, or being a mother became me.

I want to reengage these parts of me that I lost somewhere along the way and I want to do it in Delaware.